Order Only: the Diadem
Apr. 30th, 2015 09:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_justinHello, everyone,
I say, we're one closer to our goal. Today, Ron, Harry and I destroyed Ravenclaw's diadem. (I say, sorry, Luna. Oh, and Charlie, I do apologise if it makes negotiations more difficult with the goblins. It did look goblin-made, what, but since it was decidedly another horcrux, perhaps they won't mind.)
I don't want anyone to panic, but we used Fiendfyre. It went better than I rather expected, what, though it was still--well, I say. We did it, anyway, and the secret room helped us keep the fire from spreading.
Ron sustained a few burns and Sally-Anne thought it best to take me to the Hospital Wing for mine. I'm back in my dormitory now. I've got a salve for the shoulder but it jolly well hurts, even with that. The hand.... Well, I can write, as you can see, though not as steadily as one might wish. But Healer Patil says I ought to see marked improvement by morning and if I continue with the ointment, it will be fully healed by next week. It seems I'll have a jolly handsome scar, which he was quick to assure me will make me quite fascinating. He was equally quick to tell us not to try this sort of spellwork again without proper supervision, however.
At any rate, no lasting harm was done and the diadem is well and truly gone now.
-Justin
I say, we're one closer to our goal. Today, Ron, Harry and I destroyed Ravenclaw's diadem. (I say, sorry, Luna. Oh, and Charlie, I do apologise if it makes negotiations more difficult with the goblins. It did look goblin-made, what, but since it was decidedly another horcrux, perhaps they won't mind.)
I don't want anyone to panic, but we used Fiendfyre. It went better than I rather expected, what, though it was still--well, I say. We did it, anyway, and the secret room helped us keep the fire from spreading.
Ron sustained a few burns and Sally-Anne thought it best to take me to the Hospital Wing for mine. I'm back in my dormitory now. I've got a salve for the shoulder but it jolly well hurts, even with that. The hand.... Well, I can write, as you can see, though not as steadily as one might wish. But Healer Patil says I ought to see marked improvement by morning and if I continue with the ointment, it will be fully healed by next week. It seems I'll have a jolly handsome scar, which he was quick to assure me will make me quite fascinating. He was equally quick to tell us not to try this sort of spellwork again without proper supervision, however.
At any rate, no lasting harm was done and the diadem is well and truly gone now.
-Justin
Private Message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-01 12:59 pm (UTC)Horcruxes twist the truth to make themselves precious to their keepers. Whatever it said, it came from somewhere, but it doesn't define who you are. I know you know that but still, if it told you anything you ... want to talk about, you can tell me.
Well done, Justin.
Re: Private Message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-01 01:27 pm (UTC)Thank you. It was dangerous but we had limited options and it was clear we needed to get it away from Harry as quickly as possible.
The funny thing is, I did know that most of what it was saying was utter rubbish. It wasn't merely words, though--it...it made one feel good about oneself. As if one need not feel remorse or guilt for having hurt people, what. I think that more than anything made me cross enough to stop it.
But, you're quite right, that they weren't all entirely lies. It did see things.
The way I blame Crouch for Hydra's mishap, what. It said, 'He killed your son. The only son you're ever going to have.'
She doesn't want any, you see. Or didn't, I don't know. A week or two ago she had a dream about it--I say, about the baby. I think it--I think she might have had a glimpse of how it would have felt to have a child. Our child.
Have you ever--I mean to say, have you ever thought you were going to be a father, and then realised you weren't? It's a dashed confusing muddle, particularly when one finds out all at once, and that one's wife had been through a trauma in the bargain. I'd thought I was--moving past it, what. Apparently not, or else the horcrux mentioning it has brought it all up again.
I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want a row. But it's dashed difficult to accept that there's any topic we can't or don't discuss.
The rest of it--taunting us with a litany of the things we've done while maintaining our cover identities, murdering Minister Fudge, assisting Professor Dolohov, reading Noble Arts--all that was much easier to hear and to reject. But if it wanted a truth it could twist, what, it certainly found one.
I hate to mention it to the others, what. Ron, Harry--they've their own burdens. I say, it's a bally well depressing topic, what, far too grave to bring up and ruin all the fun we're having here.
I feel as if one ought to simply be able to set it aside and move on. It's not as if thinking about it is going to change anything.
Oh, I say. I've run on quite a bit, haven't I. Sorry to disturb.
-Justin
Re: Private Message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-01 02:39 pm (UTC)I'm the one who should be apologising. I should have made more time for you at holidays, talked about what happened a little more. Fatherhood is - well, it's tricky. Yes, there was a time a few years ago when someone dear to me was expecting and thought I might have been the father. It was complicated. She was also being coerced to have sex with another man, you see, and I think on the whole she would have preferred to think her son belonged to someone who cared about her, and about whom she cared.
It didn't work out that way, but not before I'd had loads of time to consider what it would be like. I'd never wanted children, either. Coming from a family like mine - like Hydra's - you can surely understand why we're not eager to procreate. No one needs another tiny little Bellatrix in this world.
You don't need to be ashamed that you're still grieving. And I don't think you need to hide it from Hydra, either. She may want children later - she may not - but you've got loads of time to make that decision. If this pregnancy really does turn out to be the only child you'd ever have had, that doesn't matter. What matters is that you have each other.
But I get it. A muddle is right. I had time to adjust to the possibility, only to have it be taken away. You got it all at once. I know you hate hearing this one, but give it time. Don't let it shadow how you feel about Hydra.
And I can't believe I'm saying this, but try not to blame Grouch. It's no one's fault. No one knew, least of all you and Hydra. And maybe knowing would have changed things, sure, but you are both so committed to this madness, it's a fair question just how that would have played out. You'll make yourself mad with all the 'might-haves' and 'if onlys'.
You're doing all right, kiddo. You just need time.
Re: Private Message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-01 03:21 pm (UTC)It doesn't change how I feel about her, what. If we live to be a hundred and never have children, that's a fair trade, as far as I'm concerned.
It's more that I didn't want her to think I'm still cross with her. If I ever was truly cross, and not just upset or...yes, grieving. Stung, was the word I used.
And I do understand how difficult it is for her to see the good that might come from having a child. I think she was only seeing the things that can go wrong, what. One does, of course, and you've a good point about your families. But it's utterly laughable to think she and I would produce another Bellatrix, or even another Narcissa Malfoy. Not that we'd be perfect parents, what, but--she's far too good a person to treat her child with any abusiveness. I'm not sure how to convince her of that, but as you say, now is not the time.
It's true we never would have chosen this moment to start a family, if we'd had the choice. So it is 'for the best' that choice was made for us. I do try to remember that, as well.
And things could be much worse, what. Loads of people never find the kind of happiness we've had, despite the horrid circumstances in which we have it.
If...if your friend had turned out to--that is, if it had turned out to be your son, and not another's, would you have.... I say, was that before you and Remus realised how you felt about each other? If you don't mind my asking.
-J
Re: Private Message to Justin
Date: 2015-05-01 03:35 pm (UTC)That's why it wouldn't have worked, if I'd tried to stand by her. Either Remus and I would eventually have admitted our feelings, and we'd have had two relationships caught up in our wake, or we'd have gone on as we were forever, him with Dora and me with my friend, and all been slightly miserable, until something else came along to force us to recognise what should have been obvious a long time ago.
But as it happens, I have all sorts of children. I still see the little boy now and again, and he has no idea his real father was a raping bigot. And I've got Harry and you and Hydra, if she'll have me, and even Draco and Hermione, and Albia and Adam, in their way. And Dora's still an integral part of our family. And I've Remus, as well. I'm rich.
As I said, you can drive yourself round the twist with all the 'might-have-beens'. The only way to go is forward.
Do yourself a favour and enjoy some sunshine, go for a fly or do whatever you do to take care of yourself. Enjoy being a teenager for the little while you have left. And don't feel too guilty for your part in all this. You, Hydra, Ron, Harry--all of you--you're already shouldering more of the burden than you should have to do. You've every right to indulge in the things that make you feel more human.