I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good: Private Message to Dux

[alt_justin]

Hello,

Have Sally-Anne and Pansy told you about the lesson yet?

I don't

My interview's tonight.

I say, I'm not sure why I can't follow my own advice, what, and simply treat it like any other lesson or any other professor.

Today in class, though....

It was like the time with Toubon. After the Yule Ball. And I'm certain he saw it, too.

Dash it.

He's far too persuasive, what, and perceptive for my tastes. Say what you like about Miss Professor Carrow but she should have been much easier to fool.

Perhaps he'll be so exhausted from the lessons and everyone else's interviews that he'll postpone, what?

-J

Comments

[alt_hydra]

You mean that you hurt him? I thought that was the point of the assignment, from what I read in Pansy's post, anyway.

Or, you mean that it didn't bother

Well. Why do you think it happened? Toubon had been at you for years, trying to provoke you. You've only just met Professor Dolohov.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

I do think I hurt him, or at least that I happened to pick a spell that caused him more discomfort than some of the others. That wasn't my intention, though, what, and it wasn't quite what I meant.

I wish I could explain the feeling. It's like ... everything slows down and there's nothing else in the whole world except me and my opponent. It's not happened since that night, either, even when I've practised at Duelling Club.

Luckily, we didn't talk about that this evening. A great deal else, what, but not about that. Small mercies, I suppose.

I've just got back to the dormitories and checked on Stebbins and Hopkins. They're both all right. Just heartily mortified.

I wish I could see you. I wish we weren't in different common rooms tonight.

-J

[alt_hydra]

You're scaring me. I don't often see you so shaken. ....I wish I could be there for you, too.

Do you want me to sneak out? I could say I'm going to the Matron for something and meet you somewhere.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

Ye

No, don't be silly, Dux. I shall be quite all right.

He's just disconcerting, that's all. I was right, he's the type who'll use any argument he thinks expedient just to make a point. It's got me twisted round, what?

It's curious, though. He talked about God. I know Patil's talked about her religion a bit and I know that there are some people who go to church, but he sounded like he's actually studied theology. It--I thought it had to be a trick, what?

That's what was bothering me, I see it now. I thought that he must have been trying to trick me into showing myself something other than loyal, other than a model citizen of the Protectorate.

Well, that and, as I said, that he was most intent on convincing me that I'd be excellent at the Dark Arts.

After this afternoon's lesson, that's jolly well unwelcome to hear, what?

-J

[alt_hydra]

Are you certain? You don't have me convinced.

Why would he try to trick you, Justin? He's no reason to think you anything but loyal - far from it, seeing as you've chosen the Protectorate over France. Maybe he really does just believe in God or Gods.

And maybe you would be excellent at the Dark Arts. It doesn't have to mean anything. My being an Occlumens doesn't make me like my Mother, does it? He'll probably think me inclined toward excellence in the Dark Arts, too, and if he doesn't I'll be surprised.

No one can make you someone you're not. I know that, I don't just think it or believe it.

From,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

I shan't pretend I wouldn't like to sneak out and see you. Very much. But it does seem a foolish thing to do when--you're right. I'm jumping at shadows, what?

I suppose I didn't think you lot believed in God. Wizards, I mean, and especially bally old pureblood wizards. (Don't your lot always use Merlin and Paracelsus instead of Saints? Or Christ? Well, I suppose Ron does say 'bloody' rather a lot. But it's not as if he realises what he's saying.)

I did turn it back on his own argument and I think that impressed him. He said something about not being able to lose certain frames of reference. Perhaps it's that he's been living in the Muggle world too much, himself.

I'm not sure about whether being excellent at Dark Arts means the same thing to you as it does to me. But you're right that the only person who can make me change is...me.

That's what worries me.

But I've got you to keep me honest, what? You're a marvel. You know that, don't you?

-J

[alt_hydra]

I would never tell you that you're jumping at shadows when you're upset.

I don't know about everyone else but I don't believe in God. Not based on what I've heard about him (why is he always a man?) And the Christians hunted down witches and wizards and said magic was evil, so taking that religion too seriously is considered a little odd by most, and I don't think it was even that common before the Protectorate. If you wanted to practise a French religion people would probably just think it part of your culture, like it is with the Patil twins.

Why are you worried? Because change sounds interesting? They say that the Dark Arts are seductive, you know, meaning that they're tempting, not that they're sexy...

Sorry, it's that ridiculous book that everyone's talking about. It makes everything sound scandalous.

I don't know it, but thank you anyway.

Love,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

No, it's all right. I think in retrospect I bally well was inventing reasons to be upset, or bally well frightened or...whatever this was.

I shan't let it worry me, what?

And not that it makes a great deal of difference to me, Dux, but as it happens I was raised--well, Church of England, ironically enough. Which wasn't all that easy, in Dijon, but there was a congregation and we went now and then. There's no such thing as a 'French religion,' Dux. Some of them are Catholic and some Protestant. A growing number are Muslim. It's all down to one's family background. So in that sense, yes, it's like the Patils. But as for the witch hunts...well, that was also a very different age, wasn't it? I don't know. I like to believe there's something out there, but doing magic does make that difficult. Do people think Christ was just a particularly talented wizard, then? I've never asked. I haven't really dared, actually.

As for the Dark Arts--I suppose we'd best start calling them the Arts, what, without the 'Dark' as he doesn't--yes. They are seductive. Professor Dolohov said something about it being a misconception to think that they'll automatically corrupt. But I'm not so sure.

Not Occlumency, I don't think. But things like casting a curse when having a conversation would do...I don't fancy the idea that the Arts make it so much easier to take--short cuts, I suppose one might call them.

But. As we've said already, I don't think there's any particular help for it. So one might as well make the best of it.

I love you very much, Dux.

Sweet dreams,

-J

[alt_hydra]

I'll try not to worry as well, then.

I'm sorry, I really don't know much about religion, and I suppose it's because I grew up hearing about how it was backwards and barbaric and mostly a way for muggles to justify their hatred of magic. I have heard some people say that Jesus must have been a magician, because he transfigured water and food and levitated, and that he was trying to do what he could to make muggles accept magic and see it as something that was a blessing from God. But then I've also heard people say that Jesus is proof that muggles are evil, because even though he helped them, they killed him anyway.

I know that in parts of Scotland they worship the old Celtic Gods, like Robin Goodfellow, and Rhiannon.

Occlumency isn't a bad thing, I know I'm glad I can do it, but I wouldn't much like to be a Legilimens. Then I really would be like Mummy. That's how she'd see it, anyway. But at least with being good at the Dark Arts... I mean, Arts, well, you don't have to use them unless you feel you must. There's always a choice.

I love you too. I wish I would have slipped out to see the "Matron."

Love,
Hydra

[alt_justin]

Potion's simmering; I can risk checking over my journal as Professor Slughorn's reading, as well.

I feel better this morning, truly.

That makes sense, I suppose, about Jesus. And yes, I know there are some wizards who follow pagan gods. There are Muggles who do, too, you know. I just--didn't wish to disappoint you by revealing that I do consider myself a Christian, more or less. Not much of one, I expect. I mean to say, I've not been to church in ages, probably over three years, but his mentioning God so freely surprised me. And if we were ever to be married It just got me to wondering how many others are quietly Christian but daren't say anything. Also, I shouldn't like you to think less of me for believing in God. Don't fret, I'm not going to advocate any burning at the stake, what! (I say, other kinds of burning bring us back to that bally awful book, don't they?)

It's true, one needn't use the Arts unless one must. Professor Dolohov said something well similar. He said: 'Do you think that possessing a tool means you are obliged to use it in all situations, no matter how suitable the tool is or isn't?' And I said, 'No. But if one means never to use a tool, why own it?' Well, he simply changed his tactic then, so I could tell I'd won that round, what.

I suppose what worries me is that I'll find I rather like using

Time to stir and add porcupine quills. Shall we take lunch outside? And then I'll walk you to your Charms lesson.

-J

[alt_hydra]

What does believing in God do, exactly? Does it make you feel...I don't know - better? That's probably not something you can explain easily in a few words, is it?

Sometimes when Mummy talks about the Lord Protector she sounds like she's talking about God. I suppose that's what I most associate with it.

Lunch outside sounds lovely. See you soon.

From,
Hydra