Private Message to Sally-Anne, Ron and Harry

[alt_justin]

It's a beautiful day, isn't it. I'm going outside for luncheon.

If anyone should happen to be looking for me, what, I'll be near the lake.

Comments

[alt_ron]

Er, mate. This isn't your afternoon for Potions.

Maybe you should chuck it in?

If you want to leave and want someone to leave with, I could wash this up and go. I mean, I can come back and do this one evening. I'll just say it was turning sour if Gimlet says anything.

[alt_justin]

Yes, by all means.

[alt_ron]

Alright, then!

Oh, say. Look out if you come round the inside corner of your bench. There's a puddle of that glop oozing out on the floor. Could be slippery. Or caustic. What was in your cauldron when it went up, anywiz?

[alt_justin]

I've no idea.

What are we meant to be making? Oh, dash it, it doesn't bally well matter. I'll just clear the lot away and have done.

Private Message to Harry

[alt_justin]

Harry,

Thank you, for coming outside this afternoon. I'm sorry I wasn't fit company but I do want you to know I appreciated the effort. And the not talking, as Ron would say.

-Justin

Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_justin]

Has she replied at all? You don't need to tell me what she said, I'm not asking that. I just--want to know if she's asking for anything. Though I suppose she's with that murdering blighter and can't bally well reply.

She's jolly well brassed off with me, though. So I can't talk to her, just now. Everything I say's wrong, as I feared. Particularly things I said and didn't mean at all.

If you're seeing to her then please, don't fuss about me. But--

Well. I'll wait for her, I suppose.

-Justin

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

No, I haven't heard back from her. Given how much blood she lost yesterday I rather hope she went to bed early. She might write later, I suppose, or maybe not.

I think she rather likes it when she gets a little fussing, because then she knows people care. But, I don't think she quite knows what to do with it.

Anyway. How are you doing?

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_justin]

Smashing, of course. I couldn't even put sliced mugwort into a bollocky cauldron this afternoon without blowing it up.

I've already gone up and drawn the curtains, or I'd say let's meet in the secret room.

She certainly doesn't wish to be fussed over about this. I'm rather sure she's in favour of pretending it never happened, in fact. I'd go so far as to say she's relieved to be rid of our it.

And it wasn't my body so I'm not permitted to feel anything, either, it would seem.

Oh, I say. I'm frightfully sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with all this.

I'm perfectly all right, obviously.

-Justin

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

Well if you put in sliced mugwort that might explain the explosion as it wasn't in the potion we were supposed to be working on.

I'm sorry you're grieving, Justin. You're not a burden on me. You're a friend, and I'm here to listen if you want to talk to someone who already knows. (You're also allowed to tell people, if you want to talk to Harry, or Ron. You're not a Healer; you know because you were involved.)

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_justin]

No, but I don't think she wants me to tell anyone. So I can't, can I? And I don't think I'm supposed to feel grief, either, or anger or shame or worry. I'm meant to simply go along as if nothing happened because that's how she wants it. And because she'd have preferred it never to have happened in the first place.

So I shall try.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

You're supposed to feel whatever you feel. And Hydra's supposed to feel whatever she feels.

I'm sorry you're having such difficulties with each other about it, though.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

If I got accidentally pregnant, and I miscarried, I would be tremendously relieved. Because it would be very selfish for me to keep the baby, given that it would mean I couldn't go on to apprentice as a Healer (not at St Mungo's, anyway) and in fact it might even mess up Ron's chances of getting into the Auror training programme. No one in the Order would ever say so, but I'd know. The unselfish choice would be to terminate it.

So to have the decision taken out of my hands would be a relief, not because I wouldn't want Ron's baby, but because I would, actually.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_justin]

Well, that's more than can be said for Hydra.

Obviously, I don't want to think of a child endangering her life, or our prospects, and you're quite right that we would have had to make a decision, had we known.

But the difference is that you'd want that child, and it might even cross your mind to regret the choice you'd have had to make. Or had made for you, what.

Of course, I understand what you mean--what you're trying to say. And I do see the validity of feeling that this--situation--is rather dodging a bludger. But there's something stinging nonetheless in realising that she never wanted my child, even if the timing and circumstances were far from ideal.

I never told you that we'd planned to leave and go to Grimmauld. The night before Sherwood and Ollerton, we'd both packed our things to run. But then we were sent out and--well, we changed our plans, after.

So, you see, if she'd learned or realised her condition, we would have had a choice. We could have changed our minds again. But she hasn't even considered that as an option. It's not anything that even entered her mind. Terminating the pregnancy was her only thought.

There's a difference between relieved and thankful.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

Does she not want YOUR child or does she not want ANY child?

It's not as if she's exactly had a good role model for parenting.

Anyway loads of people our age don't think they ever want kids and loads of them change their minds later, it's something everyone makes jokes about in the American Witches books.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

By the way, I should probably mention.

Over Christmas, when you and Hydra were staying at Spence, Daphne and I speculated a bit -- idly -- that the two of you had got secretly married. There was just something about the two of you together... anyway.

I was thinking today and realised that stomach ache of yours you wanted a potion for, that wasn't nerves. Of course, I won't tell Daphne she was right, but if she speculates again and I dodge the question she may draw her own conclusions.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_justin]

I say. Either you're too clever by half or we're worse at this than we thought.

Oh, bug dash it, if Antonin knows, I don't see why a friend shouldn't. Yes. Since July.

Re: Private Message to Sally-Anne

[alt_sally_anne]

Well.

Congratulations.