alt_justin | I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

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I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

Hullo again,

I say, it's been quite a long couple of weeks, what, with Terry's and Sally-Anne's difficulties.

There's something I've been wanting to tell you all but we've all been preoccupied with their more pressing problems. But now that they're both able to monitor their journals again--well, I mean to say, I had best get this in before something else happens, what!

So, I'm not sure whether any of you who were there realised it but at that camp in Newcastle, while the rest of you went to see the herb garden, a camp official called my name and told me to come with him. I didn't see much choice and it certainly wasn't worth a panic, not to mention that had I looked guilty or tried to signal any of you or done anything else well odd, I'm sure he might have thought something was amiss and chosen to scrutinise me further. Hydra says she saw that I was well frightened but that it looked more or less the way anyone would do when one can't imagine why one's in trouble--sort of like the look people got in Cambridge when the Proctors told them they weren't meant to walk on the grass, what?

Well, anyway, as I said, this bloke asked me if I were Justin Finch-Fletchley and of course I bally well said that I was, and then he said that I was to come with him, so I did. And he led me into the large house they told us were their administrative offices. I was getting more and more nervous, I can tell you! But when I managed to ask him whatever could be the matter he just said, 'Don't know, do I? Someone wants to meet you,' and then grumbled a bit about being put off the schedule for the morning. He took me to a rather nice little study overlooking the lawn. Mr Rosier was there--Finnigan's guardian, what--and he invited me to sit down and then he asked had I given any thought to staying in England at the end of the year.

I say, of course I have done, what! But I tried to stay calm and listened to what he had to say about it. It was difficult to tell if he knew anything; I don't think he did, really, because at one point he tried to make it sound as if I could escape Toubon and the others by declaring right away and getting Sorted so that I'd no longer be considered a Beauxbatons student. I suppose he didn't consider that one would still have to see them in the corridors or that they are sharing Ravenclaw Tower to be much of an impediment, what?

But he didn't say anything that even remotely sounded like a threat. And he did offer tea but I said no, thank you, I was quite content, so that I wouldn't become tempted to tell him things I might not have done otherwise. I don't think it was his own idea to talk to me, though: I think that someone else at the Ministry believes it would be a coup for them to gain a defector out of the Beauxbatons delegation. They asked Mr Rosier to come because of Seamus and in his new job I suppose it's rather under his jurisdiction.

I didn't ask just then about my mother. I didn't wish to give them any reason to look into her any more than the French have done. Besides, he mentioned going into fostering so I doubt they'd want her to come to England--which jolly well suits me since I'd want her to leave France altogether, what? And go to Canada or America or somewhere it'll be much harder for them to decide they do want her hostage against my good behaviour.

Because that's the pill among the sugar, isn't it? The reason they want me to stay is to show everyone how brilliant life is here and declare myself a bally old convert to the Protectorate's way of life. So if I were to stay, I expect I'd have some responsibilities to uphold and of course, while Mr Rosier didn't say anything of the kind, it stands to reason that if I displeased the Ministry, there could be repercussions, what?

But if no one's thought already of holding her then perhaps I could say that as a condition of my remaining, I want to make sure no one in France can retaliate against her, and that I want confirmation she's been able to go somewhere else to live. I think she has an aunt in America; perhaps she can go and live with her and then she'll be safe. That would give them something they want while making sure I've got something I want without necessarily making them realise their mistake.

He said that there were a number of details we'd have to work out, such as where I'd be fostered (but he implied that it'd be with a well-to-do family, what) and I don't know about the YPL or anything, I didn't ask. He also didn't say I had to give an answer straightaway, that I should take all the time I needed, but of course, it should be decided before the end of the term.

So. I thought we should all have a think about what else I might want to ask for by way of assurances, before I give an answer. Or what else there is to think about. I've a list and it's growing longer but I know you lot will jolly well have questions I can't think of and wouldn't necessarily know to ask.

What's Hufflepuff like? I mean to say, I've barely spent any time with Smith, MacMillan, Hopkins and Stebbins. (Isn't there another one in the 4^th? Oh, Summers.) I say, we'd be rather cramped, what?

-Justin

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My goodness.

So you are seriously considering it, then?

You're sure, you're quite sure that there's no way the Ministry could discover your true background? Because you wouldn't want to stay if there were any chance of that happening, believe me.

But if not....

Well, I think you're quite right to try to find a way to make sure your mother's safe. It will be quite hard on her, of course, though. ~~You might never~~

What makes you want to stay?

Wow. Blimey.

I think you shouldn't agree before finding out who you would be fostering with. And we could probably give you more information about the family than maybe the Ministry would. It'd be different for you to foster with someone like Gran than it would be to do it with, say, the Goyles.

(No offence to Slytherins or anything.)

You were doing fine until you said 'no offence to Slytherins.' I wouldn't want to live with Greg's family either.

your foster family's bad enough.

We'd offer to foster you, Justin. But I don't think the Ministry would ever go for it. They would probably say Gran's too old. And I guess my family's suspect anyway. Because of, you know. My parents.

Yes. And the Ministry has turned down the Weasleys for me already.

So you think you'd be sorted into Hufflepuff, then?

We'd like to have you here in Gryffindor.

he'd belong in Gryffindor, if he's thinking of defecting to the Protectorate when he's a muggleborn.

you'd better be really, really sure about this, Justin.

Would he have to be, though? Perhaps he could negotiate something, say, giving him the right to go back to France in a year if it's not working out?

no. the ministry would never allow that. even if they told him they would, they'd break the promise. it'd be too politically embarrassing.

if he stays, it's for keeps.

and if he stays, and they make a big political deal about the wandering son coming home to where he belongs, the Protectorate, and THEN they find out he's a muggleborn, they'll have egg all over their face.

no telling what they'd do, but it would be terrible for justin.

He'd disappear.

And then they'd blame Sirius Black.

that is exactly what they'd do.

Yeah. Terry's right.

I wouldn't trust anything they promise you.

It'll Sort him into Hufflepuff if he wants to be in Hufflepuff.

It'll Sort him into Gryffindor if he wants to be in Gryffindor.

Didn't any of the rest of you TELL the Hat where you wanted to be? I told it my parents were both Ravenclaws but I wanted to be in Slytherin and we talked it over and it put me in Slytherin.

It might draw the line if Justin said he wanted to be in Slytherin.

It didn't quite work that way for me. It did seem to be thinking of putting me in Hufflepuff for awhile there. I didn't ask for any house, but it was almost like it couldn't decide. It seemed like it took it forever before it put me in Gryffindor.

Um. Wow.

Why would you want to stay here? I mean, do you really not care if you can't see your Mum again?

And what makes you think she'd want to move to America? Or Canada? Is she well close to that Aunt of hers? Does she not like it in France?

And, uh. I'm not sure how rude it is to ask, but I guess you don't have to answer if you don't want, but where's your father?

Do you really think the French would do something to your Mum if you said you wanted to stay here? Or do you think our Ministry could do something to her if you say you don't?

And, yeah, would you really want to foster? I mean, yeah, Mr Rosier is rich and I guess he's been nice to Finnigan, but anyone can tell he's made Finnigan think like him. And if he didn't fall in, I bet Mr Rosier wouldn't be so kind. And Thomas. I mean, his foster father completely brainwashed him or scared him so much he changed, and now he's a complete menace. Because, see, they can send him back to the camps if they want. Any time. And they could threaten you like that, too, couldn't they?

So why would you even think of doing it?

Oh. And while I'm asking you the whole load of questions. Hufflepuff???

Maybe your brother Bill could find out? If Mr Rosier's gonna be the one who would foster him? Bill works for Mr Rosier right?

What's wrong with Hufflepuff? There are a lot of nice people there. I can't see any of them giving Justin a hard time.

It wouldn't be cramped. The room would get bigger and there'd be another bed.

Ron,

Of course I care whether I ever see her again, what, but I'd rather she go somewhere she has a better chance for her own safety. I'm coming to realise that she really must go outside of their grasp or she'll be in danger whether or not I return to France.

As for my father, it's all right, I don't mind. He lives in Australia. I'm told I have some half-siblings born to his--companion, I suppose one would say. It's more polite than calling her a mistress. It's well complicated. I don't remember him much at all, though. He left when I was about three or four, I think.

-Justin

I guess what I don't understand is why it makes more sense for you to stay here and tell your mother to go somewhere far from France, instead of you going home and THEN telling her she needs to go somewhere far from France with you.

Sally-Anne,

If all I wanted were to get away then you're quite right, that would make more sense.

But I can't bally well go home, arrange for her to get out, and then come back, what?

And if I ran...and left all of you here to go on this way with no end in sight...well, I think I should jolly well go mad, in that case. I can't explain it better than that.

-Justin

Justin, we will be okay with out you. You CAN leave. The rest of us can't, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you have to stay.

If you leave you can help keep France from becoming more like the Protectorate by telling them the truth about what things are like here. If you stay, you'll have to pretend it's because the Protectorate is so bloody brilliant you couldn't stand to leave once you saw it. Which people like ~~Luc~~ Dominic Selwyn can use to convince people it really IS perfect here.

You're mad if you're thinking of staying here.

Couldn't you go back and then tell your mum that more than anything else you want her to move with you to America? There are wizarding schools in America, aren't there? ~~If my mum could leave~~

Oh, I can think of a reason.

Especially if he's told Hydra Lestrange he's thinking of staying.

WHAT?!

Oh, no.

Justin, you're mental.

Is Luna right? You're thinking of staying because of her?

Well, now, that's not very tactful.

Maybe he doesn't need tactful. Maybe he needs to be told he's taking leave of his bloody senses!

He can hardly tell her he's a muggleborn!

Well, I think it's important to say that if you decide to stay that I would welcome you. The Protectorate should be proud to have you.

And we will always be your friends.

Er. Yeah. We would.

Didn't I say he'd be welcome in Gryffindor? Or anywhere at Hogwarts.

And you like Hogwarts, Justin, we know that.

Thank you, Luna.

-Justin

one thing's for sure, if he stays:

it'd would be a spit in their eye. everytime they say a muggleborn can't amount to anything.

even if they never know it. I would know it. And Hermione would know it. and all of you.

And that's something.

Thank you, Terry.

Yes, that's just how I see it, as well.

-Justin

You see how worried they are just about your deciding to stay. And Hydra.

You've already told her, haven't you? Hydra, I mean. About who you really are.

We have some good things, for some people. But for most everyone else, it's awful.

And you have to think about what you say, and who you say it to almost everywhere. Except under this.

I have no idea why you'd want to stay.

Well. I guess I do.

A little bit.

But it's still mad of you.

Right, everyone.

Thank you all for your concerns. Hermione, you've not said anything but I look forward to your opinion, when you've a chance to give it.

Terry's got one of the reasons I wish to stay, as I rather hoped he would do. There can be no doubt that their agenda in asking me to stay is to gain a show dog, if you follow me. I think we may safely say that whomever my foster family will be, it shall be people who can be entrusted with that mission and who have the means and social status to maintain the fiction of a success story. That's not to say that I shan't be subject to the sort of prejudice that Sally-Anne or Luna have suffered, what, or even the humiliations or abuse that Pansy and Hydra have endured. I've come to see that there's no proof against brutality, even among purebloods. I think that any outright abuse should jeopardise their whole game, however, so we might safely discount any dire predictions that I shall be treated worse than a servant (sorry, Terry, Hermione. It's well awkward knowing that it's just luck I'm not in your place). But likewise, thank you for the offer, Neville, but I'm certain your grandmother lacks the prestige or the material capability to fit the Ministry's bill.

As for finding out what my real background is, Luna--yes, there is a possibility they might still discover it, what? There is always that possibility, whether or not I return to France. Mr Rosier pointed out some laws that have been passed there and others that are in the works, which make it more likely that even if I returned, it'll become much more difficult for me should anyone guess or learn the truth.

I say, though, if they were going to conduct extensive research into my family, one would hope they'd have done so before dispatching Mr Rosier to make his offer, what? The further along it goes, surely, the less likely they are to probe, as well. And moreover, what, I do believe that had they any idea, then the tenor of Mr Rosier's interview should have been quite different.

Sally-Anne points out that if they ever did suspect, confirm or discover the truth, or indeed that if I were caught in any sort of treason, I would simply disappear and Sirius would get the blame. I quite agree.

However, if I do the job sufficiently well, it's possible that I shall be able to gather intelligence that I can pass along to Sirius, so he can get it to his freedom fighters and wand smugglers, what? I don't mean to suggest that I shall become a well deadly spy or anything of that nature but I might play a small role. I say, I don't think I should be able to turn tail and run when there's so much to be repaired here, what? Certainly not while others continue to suffer while I sit back on my heels in safety. And doubly so if France is turning more hostile toward muggleborn, as well.

Now, I say, I appreciate the Gryffindor vote of confidence, but I've thought before that if I were Sorted, I should probably be a Hufflepuff. I agree with Sally-Anne that I'm no Slytherin; I'm not clever enough to be a Ravenclaw; nor am I brave enough to be a Gryffindor. (And before you lot protest based on this discussion, I'm not considering staying because I'm brave. Far from it, if you follow me.) More to the point, what, I think that I shall be less threatening if I'm Sorted to Hufflepuff and far less likely to be noticed in their ranks.

That brings me to Hydra, what? I say, that's a well personal topic. Lee, I do appreciate your incredulity but I think others here could speak to the ways in which she is almost her mother's opposite. In time, I think she would make a good member within this circle, in fact--though not now, to be sure, she's not ready just yet to see everything we've done and all the things you've discussed here over the last three years. I don't wish to betray a bias, of course, but it should come as no surprise that she and I have begun discussing the proposal on its merits. I say, I can't pretend I don't wish to stay in part to be near her but I hope I'm realistic. Sooner or later her parents shall have to discover our attachment. Staying in the Protectorate would only bring that about all the sooner.

-Justin

Guess I hadn't exactly thought of it that way, Justin.

I mean, it's your right to be here. You were born here. (You were born here, weren't you?) You're a citizen of...well, I won't say of the Protectorate, exactly. But of what the Protectorate is supposed to be. The British Isles.

And sure, we'd like you to be able to help the wand smugglers, we all would.

..

Guess it doesn't make sense for us to say we'd welcome you as a Gryffindor and then to go off on you for wanting to do something brave.

Right, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a berk about Hydra Lestrange or anything. You know her best. It's just...

Oh, bugger, you know perfectly well how dangerous this all is so we don't need to tell you. I'm sure there are any number of people here who could explain to you how Bellatrix Lestrange could eat us all for breakfast.

And yeah, so maybe the daughter's not the same as the mother.

But you'd bloody better be right about that.

Lee,

I'm quite sure that Hydra's incapable of harming innocents and that she pities any creature who is suffering. And I'm quite sure that she does not believe her mother's lies anymore.

We've also discovered in the last week that she's impervious to her mother's attempts to read her thoughts, so there's an additional protection.

As I said, I'd like to consider adding her to the lock at some point in the future, though not immediately. When she's fully prepared, what.

-Justin

You mean you are planning on telling her? That you're a muggleborn.

i'd like to hear more from Sally-Anne, Pansy and Hermione about what Hydra Lestrange is like. i know you think well of her, justin, but it'd be useful to get the opinions of other people who see her more often.

i didn't get any bad feelings about her, particularly. but i wasn't around her enough to be sure. she certainly never said anything cutting to me about being a mudblood.

Bringing Hydra on the Lock isn't a mad idea at all, actually, if she really can do occlumency (because if she couldn't, it wouldn't matter how trustworthy she was in intent, I think her mother's always rummaged through her mind the way Milli rummages through Pansy's toiletries).

Last year, Bellatrix Lestrange went to visit the Ponds' -- you know, Nymphadora Tonks and her husband. Because Hydra had corresponded with Mrs Ponds (they're cousins, actually, did you know Bellatrix Lestrange had a SISTER who married a muggleborn?! those were Mrs Ponds' parents) and Auror Lestrange said she just wanted to make a social visit with Rigel. Hydra asked me to write to Mrs Tonks, because I could do it without her mum noticing, to warn her that Auror Lestrange was suspicious or SOMETHING and was lying when she said it was just social. Not that Mrs Ponds couldn't have guessed that, I'm sure, but Hydra was really worried, and wanted to go behind her mother's back to warn her scandalous cousin to try to keep her out of trouble.

She's done other things like that, too.

On the other hand she asked Hermione which one of her parents was a pig. Because that's what Bellatrix told her when she was little, that muggleborns were born when a muggle had relations with a pig. She didn't mean to be cruel, though, I'm sure she didn't. It's what she'd been taught, and she didn't know better.

Anyway, Justin could always tell her his OWN secret and let the rest of us know how she reacted. He trusts her, so he could run the risk of testing her, you know?

Well. For starters, she is incredibly private. Although I'm sure she's talked with Justin about what she thinks and feels, she certainly doesn't open up to just anyone. Not about personal things. Whenever I've tried to talk with her about herself, she clams right up.

There was that time when she was a first-year and she was doing all of those things because she was under the power of the journal. The entire time, she didn't tell a soul what was going on, and even now she doesn't like talking about it. I don't blame her, mind, but she keeps things under a rather tight lid.

And after that, I know she wrote the LP over the journals several times and met with him once. She doesn't talk about that either, but she seemed a bit obsessed at the time.

Whenever she punished herself by standing up in the Great Hall and making that announcement about how she wasn't worthy or something, I tried to get her to talk about it with me and to let her know I was sorry about it, but she just told me that she deserved it and didn't seem to want to talk further. And although she seems to want to be friendly with some of the other girls in other Houses, she doesn't extend herself.

So she keeps to herself. Which makes it really hard to tell what she's thinking. She's always been nice to me, but she keeps her distance, and she doesn't tend to share things about herself. It's all about surface things like pets and books and school.

And what Sally-Anne said, during her first year she had all these weird sorts of ideas like that because of what her mum said, and seemed to believe all of it. She seemed really young. And sort of... well, like she had no idea how the world really worked. And she's gotten a bit better about that, from what I see, but since she never really opens up about anything, short of what Justin's said, it's hard to tell whether she's just learned better to not show her hand, or if she still believes everything her mum ever said to her.

Until Justin got here, the people she'd talk to the most were Draco and Harry.

So the answer is, I'm not sure. I'm not calling you a liar, Justin, I'm just saying that she's never told me something I can use to confirm what your experiences have been. Although Sally-Anne has a point about warning her cousin about her mum. That's something.

I've asked the girls in the Tea Time group to let her in, sort of as a way of getting to know her better, so that might change. And if Justin's serious about wanting her under the lock, Sally-Anne and me can make more of an effort to get her to open up a bit so that we can help sort out better if she'd be fit for it.

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I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

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Private Message to Justin

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